Monday, July 27, 2009

The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas .
1. For those who have grown children, this is hysterical!
2. For those who have children past this age, this is hilarious.
3. For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
4. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
5. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 3-year-boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan,the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A six-year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock, even though a 36-year-old man says they can do it only in the movies.
Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old boy.
Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
Super glue is forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
VCRs do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like hot ovens.
The fire department in Austin , TX , has a 5-minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
It will, however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.80% of men who read this will try mixing Clorox and brake fluid.

Friday, July 24, 2009

If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

A very interresting viewpoint to ponder.

"Let's say I break into your house"

A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials in ages!!!

It explains things better than all the baloney you hear on TV.
Her point: Recently, large demonstrations have taken place across the country, protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration. Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests. Let's say I break into your house. Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave. But I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors. I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your house). According to the protesters: You are Required to let me stay in your house. You are Required to add me to your family's insurance plan. You are Required to Educate my kids. You are Required to Provide other benefits to me & to my family (my husband will do all of your yard work because he is also hard-working and honest, except for that breaking in part). If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my RIGHT to be there. It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm a hard-working and honest, person, except for well, you know, I did break into your house. And oh yeah, I get a free education, where you have to pay your own way through college.(TEEHEE) And what a deal it is for me!!! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of cold, Uncaring, selfish, prejudiced, and bigoted behavior. Oh yeah, I DEMAND that you learn MY LANGUAGE!!! So you can communicate with me. And don't forget to make sure your forms are in MY language - I need to understand them... Why can't people see how ridiculous this is?! Only in America ! If you agree, pass it on ( in English ). Share it if you see the value of it.
If not blow it off.......... Along with your future Social Security funds, and a lot of other things!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.- Author Unknown
Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven.--Yiddish proverb
Friends are like fiddle strings, they must not be screwed too tight.--English Proverb
If rich people could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make a wonderful living.-- Yiddish Proverb
It is better to conceal one's knowledge than to reveal one's ignorance.--Spanish Proverb
A rumor goes in one ear and out many mouths.--Chinese proverb

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.- Anonymous
Silence & smile are two powerful tools.Smile is the way to solve many problems & Silence is the way to avoid many problems.
One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need money the most, are the ones that never have it.- Finley Peter Dunne

Thursday, July 2, 2009

The Ten Cat Commandments--Unknown

1. I am the Lord of thy house.
2. Thou shall have no other pets before me.
3. Thou shalt not ever ignore me.
4. I shall ignore thou when I feel like it.
5. Thou shalt be grateful that I even give thou the time of day.
6. Remember my food dish and keep it full.
7. Thou shalt spend most of thy money on toys and gifts for me.
8. Thou shalt always have thy lap ready for me to curl up in.
9. Thou shalt shower me with love and attention upon demand.
10. Above all, thou shalt do anything and everything it takes to keep me happy.

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