April is the month when green returns to the lawn, the trees, and the internal revenue service--unknown

Dont be misled into believing that somehow the world owes you a living -- David Samoff

its what you learn after you know it all that counts -- John Wooden

Well done is better than well said - Ben Franklin

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.--Mahatma Ghandi

If you cant convice them confuse them.--Harry s. truman

The trouble with aging is that by the time you finally know your way around, you dont feel like going.--Unknown

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have spent most of life trying to save".

“Never be afraid to try something new… an amateur built the ark that lasted forty days and forty nights; professionals built the titanic that sank.”

"Money will not bring you happiness, but I would rather cry in a Mercedes than in a bus".

"Give a man fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll sit all day in a boat drinking beer".

"Don’t ever be depending on the rabbit’s foot for good luck when it obviously didn’t work for the rabbit".--Unknown

~Bacardi Breezers~
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten overenthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally; sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.. my wife came home with no panties!!" "That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said..... 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'"

Quick Check for Alzheimers
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.

2. This is is cat.

3. This is how cat.

4. This is to cat.

5. This is keep cat.

6. This is an cat.

7. This is old cat.

8. This is fart cat.

9. This is busy cat.

10.This is for cat.

11. This is forty cat.

12. This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down and I betcha' you cannot resist passing it on

LITTLE BOYS
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas .
1. For those who have grown children, this is hysterical!
2. For those who have children past this age, this is hilarious.
3. For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
4. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
5. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 3-year-boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan,the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A six-year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock, even though a 36-year-old man says they can do it only in the movies.
Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old boy.
Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
Super glue is forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
VCRs do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like hot ovens.
The fire department in Austin , TX , has a 5-minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
It will, however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.80% of men who read this will try mixing Clorox and brake fluid.

If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.

A very interresting viewpoint to ponder.

"Let's say I break into your house"

A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials in ages!!!
It explains things better than all the baloney you hear on TV.
Her point: Recently, large demonstrations have taken place across the country, protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration. Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests. Let's say I break into your house. Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave. But I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors. I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your house). According to the protesters: You are Required to let me stay in your house. You are Required to add me to your family's insurance plan. You are Required to Educate my kids. You are Required to Provide other benefits to me & to my family (my husband will do all of your yard work because he is also hard-working and honest, except for that breaking in part). If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my RIGHT to be there. It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm a hard-working and honest, person, except for well, you know, I did break into your house. And oh yeah, I get a free education, where you have to pay your own way through college.(TEEHEE) And what a deal it is for me!!! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of cold, Uncaring, selfish, prejudiced, and bigoted behavior. Oh yeah, I DEMAND that you learn MY LANGUAGE!!! So you can communicate with me. And don't forget to make sure your forms are in MY language - I need to understand them... Why can't people see how ridiculous this is?! Only in America ! If you agree, pass it on ( in English ). Share it if you see the value of it.
If not blow it off.......... Along with your future Social Security funds, and a lot of other things!

http://www.wtpafm.com/chrisjames/breakin.html

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.- Author Unknown

Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven.--Yiddish proverb

Friends are like fiddle strings, they must not be screwed too tight.--English Proverb